Answered

For the past few weeks, I have been praying for God to really rock me in the time I have left here, I had been asking for a few weeks, nothing was happening, it was becoming same old same old. Until Friday evening, I go to final debrief with our team. I can tell that something is going on, a few of the leaders aren't there, they are talking to one of the youth. While the kids were talking about their experiences here, one of the youth leaders walks downstairs, with tears in her eyes, as soon as she got the opportunity she told us that one of the girls had a panic attack and was attacked spiritually. She was going in and out of consciousness and couldn't breath. They had to call 911. 


My heart was beating so fast, and I got that gross feeling in the pit of my stomach. 


She continued to say that we are in a spiritual battle, because the kids have had such an incredible time & God was so evident, Satan wanted to take back ground, he wanted to scare us, try to sway their thinking that this mission trip was not a success.


Everyone stood up and we all huddled together in a group, we all prayed together for a couple minutes, Sam was playing guitar and singing , everyone joined in  singing "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, then what could stand against" It was SO powerful. Instead of crying and being afraid of what may happen. We worshipped, I broke down, I knew that God was here, he was rocking me, he answered my prayer. I wanted God to rock me because I wanted to come home with a story, that showed how powerful he truly is & always will be, he did just that. Whatever you ask from God, he will answer. The kids belted out these worship songs, we sang for probably half an hour, these kids were incredible, throughout the songs smiles were more evident, I couldn't get my smile of my face. It was such a blessing, God was being so visible in that moment, he was so evident, everybody could feel him.


I will not be working with a team this week, because there is only one small group that will be coming, but I'm happy about that, I ended with probably one of my favourite groups.


I cannot believe that in one week from now, I am on an airplane flying home, I am having such mixed feelings about it. I am so excited to go home, see my family, be back in Winkler, my home. But I am also so sad to say goodbye to the people I have met here, I haven't met better people, they have helped me so much on my spiritual walk, they have helped mould me into the woman of Christ I now am. I will sad to say goodbye to San Francisco, the things that happened here, the emotions I felt here, I truly will leave a piece of my heart in San Francisco, such a beautiful city in many different ways.


This week I will be having a lot of time off, just to really reflect on my time here, having to adjust to going home & going into the "real world" the culture shock that will come with that.


So, Winkler, I will see you in 6 days & 7 sleeps :)


Tessa

Numb

Coming from a town, of 10,000, no homeless people, drugs are hidden & rare, to a city of 800,000, the most homeless people per capita in all of America, drugs right in your face, is overwhelming to say the least. My first few weeks here, I was the timid little girl, that stood behind everyone else, I never spoke first, I wouldn't walk up to a homeless person, ever.


Now, being here for a few months, I have gotten used to seeing people sleeping on the hard, cold, cement ground, outside of Glide, I am used to people shooting up right in front of me, I am used to getting yelled at. The sad thing is, these things, I have all become numb to. 


The other day, I was sitting inside, looking out the window, watching a woman pick through our garbage can, I am used to it, I felt bad for her, but not like I thought I should. If I would have seen someone picking through garbage back home, I would have looked at them so horrifically, I would judge them for being pigs, for touching such unclean things. Now, I see them and I feel bad for them, yet I feel like my heart isn't breaking enough, I wasn't judging the woman, but I didn't feel like I was hurting for her, I wish I could have.


I pray everyday asking God to break me, I don't have much time here, I want him to break my heart, for what breaks his, I want to hurt for these people, I want to feel their pain. I hope that will happen in the few days I have left here.


These people, on the streets, are just like we are, except something went wrong, one little thing happened in their life, in which put them on the streets. The majority of the people living on the streets don't want to be there, but surprisingly, some people choose to live there, they feel more comfortable on the streets then in a house.


I have become numb, I am used to the smell & the sight of human feces and urine while I walk down the street, the smell of marijuana everywhere you go, people talking inappropriately to me on every street corner, women mocking me, calling me names as I walk past them, for no reason, other then the amount of alcohol or powder in their systems.


I know that maybe I still am feeling the hurt that I always have, except I am used to it, I have been in this situation for two and a half months, I know what happens on the streets, maybe I just have more knowledge, I know how to handle myself and conduct myself around them. I know it isn't a bad thing, it is just something I have noticed.


God is working in the Tenderloin though, don't get me wrong.
Yesterday, I was at homeless church and a man was there by the name of John, he knew everything about the bible,  I was so surprised, I don't know anything close to as much as he does. People on the streets know the bible, they know the word, they know christianity, yet they just made a few mistakes, doesn't make them horrible people, you would be surprised at the knowledge out on the streets of the Tenderloin.


Tessa

Closing In

It's hard to believe that my time here is coming to an end. We only have about a week and a half left of work. These two months have flown by so quickly, I have learned so much in these past months, most people have said I have "grown up" in these months, so neat.


I have mixed emotions about nearing the end here in San Francisco, I am so excited to go home, but I am sad to leave the amazing people I have met here, they have helped me so much in my growth spiritually here. I am leaving the ywam bubble and going to Winkler, back to the real world. I am ready to go home, I love it here, but I know that my heart is in Winkler, with my family. 


God worked in incredible ways this summer, I saw him through homeless people, through children, through youth, so many ways. I am excited about my new found faith, the craving I am having for God, I don't want it to leave me when I get home, I want it to intensify, to grow passionately.


I am so excited to see everyone back home, only 13 days left, so incredible!!!!! I have so many stories :)


Tessa