The People I've Met...

I have met some of the most remarkable people I will ever get to meet, I will never forget them.

On my first night of doing Hot Chocolate Ministry (we go out on the streets and give hot chocolate to the homeless) I met the sweetest man, he is probably in his late 20's to early 30's. We talked for about ten minutes that day and I have thought about him everyday since. Every time I was out on the streets I would look for him, but I never found him. A few days ago, while I was walking outside I heard "Hey Gorgeous" I looked back and it was him, I had the biggest smile on my face, I told him "Every time I see you, you look sad, what's up?" He looked up at me and said "That's what weed does to you." I told him that he could stop that, and he agreed, I asked him about his sister that he has in Pennsylvania, he told me he was going to call her when he got his new phone in July. "Just so you know Robert, I think about you every single day." I told him, he looked into my eyes and said "Well at least that's one person who thinks about me." This broke my heart, I am going to make it my goal to always look for him and give him a great big smile when I see him, I can see the pain in his eyes, the hurt he has inside. Yesterday, I saw him again, in the Ellis Room (a drop in center for the homeless that we have here at the YWAM base, they can play pool, ping pong, or just sit in a chair and be heard) I went and sat down right beside him and let him know that I still thought about him and he got a big smile on his face, it was the best feeling I've had, my heart breaks for him. After I had to leave, but he blew me a kiss, gosh I love homeless people, they have such big hearts and we don't give them the time of day! I also blew him back a kiss with a smile and laugh, it was the sweetest thing ever. Before I leave for home I want to buy him some necessities for just living on the streets, I want to bless him & treat him as if he had a home.

This past week, we did a Dessert Social with the MA Kids (we make cake & brownies and open the door to the homeless, serve them and talk with them) I was a waitress, but this sweet man caught my eye and he started telling me his life story...

At a young age, he caused an accident which killed seven people. He was put in juvi until the age of 18, then in his early 20's he was put in federal prison with a sentence of 20 years. He told me what jail is like, how crimes are being committed in jails, how the system is corrupt. He told me a man that has killed one person will be executed, but a man that has killed countless people will not be, this is for status reasons. He let me know that he was a cellmate to a very famous killer, who killed many prostitutes & women.  He told me he had devil tattoos and when I googled the guy, it was him. Oscar (the man I was talking with) had just been released from jail  6 months ago, he had family but they didn't want anything to do with him, so he was homeless, and for a job\hobby he made soap that looked like a little bear, which is his nickname, because he lost his childhood because of what happened.

These are the people that I will never forget, they've left something on my heart, they've shown me pain, they've broken my heart with their stories. This is why I am here, I need to see a work in them, I want to show them Jesus, I want to work a miracle in their lives. God has brought me here to do that, and I will continue to fail everyday, because I am human, but that doesn't mean that I am not trying. I will continue to meet these amazing people, homeless people that are doctors, professors & business men, it can happen to anybody. So, the next time you walk past a homeless person, don't just walk by, look at them, give them a smile, let them know they are loved. 

Breaking Point

This week has come with many ups & downs. I am not used to being around people 24\7, I'm not used to talking about God all the time, I'm not used to being away from home and this week I had a hard time connecting with the kids.


Having to live in community is difficult, you are always surrounded by people, not having many true friends throughout my life, I have had a hard time giving people my time and being open to ask about their lives, because I have been shut down so many times by "friends" I gave up trying to interact with people around me and thought they don't want to know what I am going through anyways. But, here it is totally different, these people truly love me and want what is best for me, and I am realizing that more & more everyday.


This week I dealt with some spiritual warfare, I had a nightmare, and it was very distinctly relating to the devil. Since that night, I have been able to peacefully sleep the whole night, and feel very good about it, sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I was up the past night and I heard worship songs, that has happened to me a few times, and am not sure if I did wake up or it was just in my head, but I know that God is protecting us. Thank you for your prayers, they have worked, none of the MA kids have had to deal with spiritual warfare this week, and after that first night we have all been doing well.


One evening, somebody asked us how we felt about speaking in tongues, I kind of freaked out in my head, I wasn't sure what I thought about this, but I know that some things work for other people and I couldn't judge them for that. I felt very overwhelmed & exhausted up until Thursday, but God worked in me last night and I am doing so much better.


I didn't connect as well with the kids this week as I did in the past week, I barely even knew any of their names, until Expressions (aka cry night) this is a time when the kid's reflect on their week, and most of the time they start looking at their lives and what they can do to be better. I hadn't talked to anyone that whole evening I was just reading my bible, but at the end, Mikel felt as though he wasn't supposed to be talking but somebody else was supposed to be there, so he left the mic open for anyone that had to say anything. A 16 year old boy came to the front with tear filled eyes and told us how he hadn't ever truly given his life to God, up until today. Everyone prayed for him and it connected us so much closer as a group. I felt so blessed to have these kids here and somewhat regretted not giving them a chance at the beginning of the week, because I missed my kids from the past week. God comes when we are at our breaking point, when we need him the most...


During Expressions, I asked God just to speak to me, in a way I could hear him. I heard the word "Love" the next song that came on was about God's love for us, I thought it was so great, when he speaks to us, he reassures us through different things - and this time it was in a song, so precious. I love love, maybe it's because I am head over heals for a Mr Kort, or because I love my family and would do anything for them or because I am falling in love with God at the moment. Whatever the reason, I am happy.


We have all been praying a lot this week, and it has shown, I feel so much better. At the beginning of the week, my negativity was coming through as being judgemental as well, but when those times came, I had to consciously stop myself, and ask God for help and he did.


I knew before I came here, that there would be a time when I would have to tell myself either I start counting down the days till I come home, or I say this is my one shot at doing this and I need to make the most of this. I told Brittni this, and she knew the exact feeling. So I am going to make the most of this, I will live in the moment and I won't countdown until I come home. To think that this experience is almost half way done is crazy, time is flying by, I have met some of the most amazing people, that I will never ever forget.


God will push you as far as you'll let him...
How far are you willing to go?

Spiritual Warfare & Overwhelmed

It isn't in me to ask for prayer, but in this moment I will.


I, personally, and others from my team have been dealing with some spiritual warfare, the devil is working in the late hours of the night, he is taking us at our most vulnerable of times, our dreams. I ask for your prayer over our nights, that they will be peaceful, that we won't be afraid, and that God will protect us and the devil will not be at work. 


Thank you so much,
Tessa

Blessed

Today, as we were walking back to the base from church, my eyes were opened a little bit more, I was getting inappropriate comments from homeless men, I smelt disgusting smells, saw things that I didn't need to see...


I am only now realizing in my life, how truly blessed I am. I just skyped with my amazing, incredible family that I have. With the divorce rate creeping up, it's a blessing to have parents that are still in love with each other. Many people don't have extended family that are close to them, or that love & care so much for them, but I have all of that; I have nothing to be sad about right now. All I need to be working on is my relationship with God, falling in love with him; he deserves it, he deserves all of me.


Today, in church, the pastor was talking about finding our identities. Most people nowadays find their identities in their possessions, but we need to realize that we need to find our identity in Christ, and him alone. A lot of the people here in San Francisco, are dealing with sexual preferences, and they are finding their identity in that; which is horrible. 


As I am sitting here, in a basement by myself, my family hundreds of miles away, I can say that I am blessed, I have more than most people could imagine, I have no reason to be upset (okay, maybe I wish I was with my family now, eating steak & potatoes). We need to get our priorities straight, we need to allow Jesus to be first in our lives.


Like I said in my last blog, I think that a lot of Winkler, and the surrounding areas are luke warm christians, because we live in a "Bible Belt" I think we are a lot more prone to do so, we can get caught in the swing of life & focus on things less than God. When I get back from YWAM I want to be on God high, and not let it die out. I want to make a difference in the lives of people in my own community, not only San Francisco. I want people to know how much I love the Lord through how I show my love towards others.


To my family - you are incredible, I could not have asked for better parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins. I could not have done this if it wasn't for you, and your support to me, I know that this is making me & has made me a better person and I want to realize my potential, I want to make all of you proud! Love you all & miss you too.... I will see you all in the blink of an eye ;) (as Dad keeps telling me)


Tessa

Hot or Cold

There aren't words to describe the feelings I have had this week, the experiences I have been through & the people and kids I have met, definitely blown me away.

On Monday, I didn't know what to expect with the groups, if they would be fun, open, bold enough to go out on the streets & pray for others, I was taken back when Tuesday came & we went on the prayer station and all the kids went out and were so bold, I was so proud. I grew close to three specific kids, which I guess would be considered my favourites. 

One incredible kid stood out to me this week, a boy, about the age of 14. At the beginning of the week, he just caught my eye and for a great reason too. I hung out with his group of friends throughout the week, playing pool, (beating him) over lunch & dinner, just out and about. As the week went on, I got so attached to him, if we were all in a group, he would be the first person I would look for, I would want to talk to him. Last night, Thursday, we had cry night, which is a time of reflection of the week, at this time usually the kids reflect their lives, and it's a big cry fest. At the beginning of the night, I was just reading my bible, I had talked to a few girls & prayed with them, but I knew I had to go speak to this kid, so when he was alone I quickly grabbed him, and asked him how he was, he told me he was okay, but didn't get into any detail. I prayed with him & his friend then, but left right aways... After we had finished the night I was looking around the room for him, and I saw him huddled up in the corner of the couch in the far back of the room, a girl from his group had told me that he had been crying for the past hour. I went up to him and asked him what was up.... He opened his heart to me, he told me how his grandmother had past away a year ago and that was one of his closest loves, he thought about her everyday and didn't know how to handle it, he was crying. I think that is so amazing, for a boy, 14 years old, to be able to open up to me, a girl, 19 years old. My heart broke for him, I started to tear up, but after a few minutes of him talking they kicked us out of the room, and told us we had to go back to base. When we got to the base, I asked him if he would like to talk and he said he was going to go lay down. "You are a great guy, Ryan." I told him... and as he was opening the door, he turned to me and said "And you are a great person." 

I will always have him in my thoughts & prayers, throughout this summer, and after. He stole a piece of my heart, he had a piece of Jesus that I needed to see, and I had a piece of Jesus that he needed to see, and we both saw.

Today, during worship, Steve talked about being on fire for God. He told us, we cannot be luke warm, we either have to be hot or cold. That got me thinking, I strongly believe that the majority of people in Winkler, are luke warm christians. We say we are christians, but we don't truly walk out our faith. I was a luke warm christian, but I hope with this experience I will be able to say that, that is in the past, and I want to be on fire for God. We need to allow God to come into our lives, we need to be like sponges to him, soak him up. We need to realize that it is God's plan in life that we need to live, not our own. We need to give our lives to God. So my question for you is... are you hot, cold or luke warm? 


I have so many more incredible stories, that I will have to write about this weekend, God has changed lives this weekend, and I got to be involved in that, I got to be God's ambassador and help change people, help mold people into the women & men they are chosen to be. God is so good.

The Reason I Came To San Francisco...

This past Sunday, I had the privilege of going to Reality Church, here in San Francisco, it was a very modern & young group of people. Francis Chan spoke to us. One of my friends absolutely loves him, she read all his books, and goes online to watch his preachings; I didn't even know who this man was; but I could definitely see God shining through him as he spoke to us. He talked to us about living in the moment, giving God our lives, and focusing on eternal goals & not worldly goals - which is ironic, he spoke about everything I have been battling with spiritually. God is talking to me through so many people, these same battles I am dealing with are coming up time & time again through discussions & teachings.


Yesterday the groups came during the afternoon. One of my groups has a lot of "students" my age and up, I think this week, I am going to struggle with and get better in leading people who are older than me. (But we won't tell them our age, until the last day!) My other group is younger, ages 14-17, but oh my goodness, they remind me of my youth kiddies back home so much, I already love them, and so many of the girls remind me of my sweet, cute sister back home, whom I dearly miss, yes you Jayna ;) The kids are awesome, I thought after a full day with them I would be drained & exhausted, but I feel rejuvenated, I feel refreshed, they are like a breath of fresh air! 


I cannot wait to see what God has in store for my group and the other group this week; the kids are already so bold, they went up to police men, security guards and homeless people during the Prayer Station. We did something called a Dessert Social, in which we opened the doors to people from the streets, to come in and eat desserts with us, the kids did an incredible job, their creativity showed in all the decorations & they spoke with all of the people that came in, I am already proud of them, I cannot wait for what is to come. This is the reason I came to San Francisco - for the kids! 


Tessa

Childlike Faith

San Francisco is starting to feel more and more like home each and everyday that passes. 


This past evening we did an event called, Expressions. This was a time to talk to God, pray, read the bible or talk with people about their faith and just be with one another. At the beginning, one of our leaders said, "We are all in different stages in our walks with God, some of us are in love with God and some of us just like God." This got me thinking, am I truly in love with God? To be perfectly honest, no, I am not. I don't put enough of me into the relationship, if I did love him, I would want to invest all my time in him. As this summer continues, I want to fall in love with God, I want to spend time in his word, hearing what he has to say to me, listening, and just being still; allowing him to do what he wants with my life, giving it all to him. 


My very close friend & leader asked to wash my feet during Expressions, I told her she could and we talked about hearing God's voice. She told me a story about a miner that went into a cave, and picked up a dirty looking muddy clump, he took it to a fire and all the dirt and mud started to wash away, and what was left? Pure gold, God sees us as the pure gold that we truly are inside, but the world sees us with all of our sins, dirty and destroyed. But in order for us to be closer to God, we will have to go through the fire, sometimes it is going to have to burn and things will get tough, and we will feel hurt, but we have to do it, for God, we will have to give up things in our temporary home (this world), for eternal life with him.


Brittni and myself kept talking, I have been frustrated lately with hearing God's voice, so we did a little exercise. We both closed our eyes, she prayed for us, then we opened our eyes and the first thing that caught my eye was the cross laying on the floor, and I heard "I died for you..." I told Brittni that this happened and she said "That's exactly what happened to me." That was God, I got this big grin on my face, because I felt like something truly amazing just happened. A minute later, Steve sang "It is finished..." I looked at Brittni with awe and said "Did he really say that?!" "You better believe it"


God is talking to me, Steve told us the other day that we all need to have Childlike Faith.... I have exactly that, I am like a child, just soaking up all this information that I am receiving. We all need to be like that, if that's in a small town of 10,000 or a city of 800,000, we just have to be willing to hear him.


I know that this summer is going to be a great experience for me. If it were up to me I wouldn't have come here, I would have rather stayed home where I have a loving family & boyfriend that love me to death, it would have been the safe, comfortable thing to do, but I had to be obedient to God, he wanted me to come to San Francisco.


By the way, Katya & I went to the San Francisco Giants game this afternoon, they got slaughtered by the Cincinnati Reds 10-2. But, the weather was beautiful and we had such a blast, we are going to go to more games, and buy Giants gear, so it looks like we truly live here and aren't tourists, we also went to the Cheesecake Factory on top of Macy's in Union Square, it was so special :)


Tessa

Feeling More Like Home

This week, I have felt a lot more comfortable with living in San Francisco. I have come to realize that I will be for a few months and need to make the most of it; even though I knew this before, I know feel good with it, in my heart.


This week, we have been preparing ourselves for the Mission Adventure teams, that will arrive Monday, and stay for one week periods. We will be doing this for 9 weeks. We received our schedule for next week, and I must say, it seems very intense, but I know that God will give us all the energy we require. It's funny to think that the hardest thing for all of us, has been that we are physically exhausted, we are constantly tired and having to help each other out, but I hope as we get into the routine of having kids coming through each week, we will be able to take some of their energy, as our own. 


The people here at the base are fantastic, we are already like a family, I love each and every one of them. It's neat to see how we are all growing already in the short while we have been here; and to think how much we will each grow within the 9 more weeks to come, very exciting! 


This weekend, I think a few of us are going to a San Francisco Giants game, I can't wait, it will be so much fun! I will take lots of pictures, and I will have to post those for everyone to see, I guess I will have to cheer for the Giants, since San Francisco is my temporary home for now. 


During worship on Monday, one of the staff members went to the front, during one of the songs and said to us "You don't need to get warm fuzzies, or feel something for worship to work, it isn't about you, it is about God. God is worthy of our worship." I thought that was so neat how that came about, since I have been anticipating and waiting for that feeling like I am doing something, because lately I have felt like I haven't been doing enough to be making a difference, but that just reassured me that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, I am being obedient to God. 


A few songs later, another one of the staff members went up and said "I feel like God is telling me that he is proud of each and everyone of you, individually, he truly is proud of you for what you are doing, and he is singing this song to you" (We were singing a song with lyrics "You are Beautiful") Now that gave me those warm fuzzies, and I could definitely feel God's presence, I think that God can talk to us through other people in very interesting ways. These were the two things that I was struggling with, and still have some concerns about, but at least I know that God is proud of me for being here. 


If it was up to me, I don't know if I would be in San Francisco, I would have stayed home, in Winkler, where things are easy and I have people that love me all around, but God called me here, and I have to obey him. I have to realize and seek what God's plan for my life is, not my plan for my life. It isn't about success, it is about obedience. 


OH, and I need to add, that last night we had a mouse in our room, and he ate some of Rachael's tea bags and biscuits, I couldn't sleep for hours after that, and why? Because of a stupid little mouse!


Tessa

Rollercoaster

This week has been good & bad, coming from a small bible belt community to the Tenderloin, a place full of poverty, sex trafficking, drugs, alcohol & addictions. But the truth is, these are the people that need God the most, they are the ones that are open to hearing us speak to them about a relationship with God, they may look scary, and very intimidating, but they just need people to talk to, they need people to just listen to what they have to say. The transition from Winkler to San Francisco was huge, a lot of changes, but there is a reason why I am here, and with time I will understand why. This week we have talked a lot about prayer and evangelism, my eyes have been opened to what prayer can truly do. God has already talked to me through a few of the girls here and I know more and more great things are in store for us here at YWAM.


Yesterday, we did the Homeless Plunge, being homeless for a day.
The night before, we slept on the cold, hard floor in the Ellis room, on the main floor. The night was long, cold and loud. Because we were right beside the door, we could hear people outside all night, people were screaming at each other, they had music on, and even prostitution occurred, just outside our door.... how awful, how sad. I woke up countless times that night, to hear people on the streets and sirens ringing. The leaders woke us up at 5 AM, which I was thankful for because the night was so brutal. We were then kicked out onto the streets, they gave us garbage bags to put over our clothes because it was pouring outside. So, 5:15 and we are on the street, we were to be "homeless" till 5 that afternoon, where we then met up for supper.


We were not allowed to shower, brush our teeth, brush our hair or wash our face before we went to bed that night, we were to be like the homeless, who for some, may not brush their teeth for weeks at a time.
We walked in the rain, in the dark to the Bart station (underground subway) we sat beside the homeless men who were sleeping in their sleeping bags. We were just like each of them now... we sat on the cold, hard cement for two hours, we then got up and stood in line at Glide, which serves food to the homeless. Going in the foodline was one thing I did not want to do, it was such a surreal experience, standing in line with the homeless, being one of them, being served by volunteers, sitting beside the homeless, who ate every last bit of their food, while I barely touched mine.


We walked to the City Hall, walked in the rain, then went to another Bart Station, we sat there for four hours, on the floor. The stares, glares and looks we got were astonishing, people would walk right past us and not even look at us, just because we were lower then them. One man even dropped change on the ground for us, I guess the garbage bags beside us made us look even more homeless.
We starting walking to Fisherman's Wharf around 2:15, we had three more hours to be homeless, so we had to do things throughout the walk. We walked through Union Square, then in Chinatown we spent our 2 dollars we had received for the day. I spent mine on candy :) typical Tessa. We walked through a few beautiful parks, then we got to the beach, we sat there with the Golden Gate Bridge to the left and Alcatraz to the right, it was beautiful, how could you be down when things were that pretty. We met up with the other group at In N' Out Burgers (a California restaurant) and all had a meal together.


The night before we went on the homeless plunge, they asked us our feelings on going out, I told them I was not happy about it and knew I would have to keep myself from becoming frustrated and grumpy. But the thing is, I didn't have to. Each one of us had a smile on our faces all day, things went so much better then anticipated! God can work through us, in these times.


We have all grown so much closer as a family here at YWAM, through the homeless plunge and living in community. I am so happy that each one of the people that are here came, there is a reason for each one of us to come, and it is so exciting to be working together with this group. Today in church I remembered something the pastor said, that has stuck to me all day today "More of God, Less of Me"


Tessa

Culture Shock

If you all are like my parents, you are probably anticipating this post & have been waiting.
San Francisco is a beautiful city. I met a man on the airplane, and I let him know that I was going to live on Ellis Street (in the Tenderloin). He could not believe that they would allow us to live in this part of the city, because of the crime rate & homeless population. Yet I haven't felt threatened or scared so far, and I don't think I will be. These homeless people are just looking for people to talk to and for an open ear to hear their pains & sorrows. 


I met a lady yesterday, broken & torn to pieces. She was most likely an alcoholic & had a drug addiction, her daughter has cancer, and the closest thing to her is her cat, Speedy. My heart broke for her, I could not imagine the pain she was going through... as we were talking to her she said "I don't want to see my daughter...." and she couldn't finish the sentence, I looked at her and said "You don't want to see your daughter in pain" she burst into tears. Us, as a group prayed for her & her cat, Speedy, numerous times & after we brought her back to her SRO, where she could feel safe. God was so evident in a time like that & I know that he will continue to do that, through all the homeless people that we meet.


Some Tenderloin facts are 
- many people in the Tenderloin live in SRO's (standard room only), these SRO's state that they are "hotels" on the exterior, yet the truth is, the rooms are just big enough for a bed & maybe a dresser if lucky. People are smoking & doing drugs in the hallways & the living conditions are horrible.
- the Tenderloin is about a 7 X 7 block area.
- there are 90 plus "massage parlours" in the Tenderloin, which is just a name cover for sex trafficking.
- San Francisco has the most homeless per capita in all of the USA.


We have gone on numerous prayer walks, through the Tenderloin as well as Union Square, Chinatown & Little Italy. We went out on a Hot Chocolate run yesterday, handing it out to the homeless people, we didn't make it 100 feet away from our building and our hot chocolate was all gone, but that didn't matter, because we did what we were supposed to, and we met some amazing people on the way.


I will keep you posted on all of the exciting things that are happening here in the city of San Francisco, which has a 2% christian population..... a city of 800,000. 


Tessa