This week has come with many ups & downs. I am not used to being around people 24\7, I'm not used to talking about God all the time, I'm not used to being away from home and this week I had a hard time connecting with the kids.
Having to live in community is difficult, you are always surrounded by people, not having many true friends throughout my life, I have had a hard time giving people my time and being open to ask about their lives, because I have been shut down so many times by "friends" I gave up trying to interact with people around me and thought they don't want to know what I am going through anyways. But, here it is totally different, these people truly love me and want what is best for me, and I am realizing that more & more everyday.
This week I dealt with some spiritual warfare, I had a nightmare, and it was very distinctly relating to the devil. Since that night, I have been able to peacefully sleep the whole night, and feel very good about it, sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I was up the past night and I heard worship songs, that has happened to me a few times, and am not sure if I did wake up or it was just in my head, but I know that God is protecting us. Thank you for your prayers, they have worked, none of the MA kids have had to deal with spiritual warfare this week, and after that first night we have all been doing well.
One evening, somebody asked us how we felt about speaking in tongues, I kind of freaked out in my head, I wasn't sure what I thought about this, but I know that some things work for other people and I couldn't judge them for that. I felt very overwhelmed & exhausted up until Thursday, but God worked in me last night and I am doing so much better.
I didn't connect as well with the kids this week as I did in the past week, I barely even knew any of their names, until Expressions (aka cry night) this is a time when the kid's reflect on their week, and most of the time they start looking at their lives and what they can do to be better. I hadn't talked to anyone that whole evening I was just reading my bible, but at the end, Mikel felt as though he wasn't supposed to be talking but somebody else was supposed to be there, so he left the mic open for anyone that had to say anything. A 16 year old boy came to the front with tear filled eyes and told us how he hadn't ever truly given his life to God, up until today. Everyone prayed for him and it connected us so much closer as a group. I felt so blessed to have these kids here and somewhat regretted not giving them a chance at the beginning of the week, because I missed my kids from the past week. God comes when we are at our breaking point, when we need him the most...
During Expressions, I asked God just to speak to me, in a way I could hear him. I heard the word "Love" the next song that came on was about God's love for us, I thought it was so great, when he speaks to us, he reassures us through different things - and this time it was in a song, so precious. I love love, maybe it's because I am head over heals for a Mr Kort, or because I love my family and would do anything for them or because I am falling in love with God at the moment. Whatever the reason, I am happy.
We have all been praying a lot this week, and it has shown, I feel so much better. At the beginning of the week, my negativity was coming through as being judgemental as well, but when those times came, I had to consciously stop myself, and ask God for help and he did.
I knew before I came here, that there would be a time when I would have to tell myself either I start counting down the days till I come home, or I say this is my one shot at doing this and I need to make the most of this. I told Brittni this, and she knew the exact feeling. So I am going to make the most of this, I will live in the moment and I won't countdown until I come home. To think that this experience is almost half way done is crazy, time is flying by, I have met some of the most amazing people, that I will never ever forget.
God will push you as far as you'll let him...
How far are you willing to go?
No comments:
Post a Comment